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Monday, January 2, 2012
Monday, August 29, 2011
Our First Style Icon
So I haven't updated this in a while because it turns out I prefer having a life sitting around all day watching soap operas in my pajamas. But whatever, it's not like this is my job and not even my cat is reading this anymore...because he's dead (BUT ACTUALLY. Rest in peace, Picky Picky.).
ANYWAY I was thinking about how difficult it can be for for man people to navigate the treacherous waters of guyle. So I am introducing a new feature called style icon!
So who's our first style icon? Well, to start, he totally encapsulates the Ugliness is a Crime aesthetic : he's suave, debonair, and he always keeps it kla$$y.
So WHO COULD THIS GUY BE?
ANYWAY I was thinking about how difficult it can be for for man people to navigate the treacherous waters of guyle. So I am introducing a new feature called style icon!
So who's our first style icon? Well, to start, he totally encapsulates the Ugliness is a Crime aesthetic : he's suave, debonair, and he always keeps it kla$$y.
So WHO COULD THIS GUY BE?
Monday, February 14, 2011
Menswear Fall 2011 Runway Rundown: The Madness
Men's Fashion Week just wrapped up you guys! I didn't even realize it was going on because I was in a state of drunken oblivion! Worst style blogger ever? Pretty much. Anyway it turns out that the fall collections are (sadly) less batshit insane than the spring collection (drugs shortage?) but don't worry there's still enough crazy to go around:
John Galliano
I think we're all hoping our Valentine's Days will look like this. Nothing says romance like a dozen red roses...and an enormous animal carcass on your head.
Givenchy
What if Andy Warhol had spent less time silk screening Campell's soup cans and more time silk screening sweatshirts with dog faces...that would have been way better, right? No? Are you sure?
Thom Brown
I would legitimately LOVE to see someone wear this. It looks like what Willy Wonka would wear to go hunting and it is awesome. What really makes it, in my opinion, is the cane. I think it's time to bring back canes as a fashion accessory - they've been monopolized by the old and the blind for TOO LONG! What's great about canes is how many uses they have - you can lean on them for support, twirl them, beat people with them, etc. Like imagine how much easier it would be to maneuver through a crowd when you have a cane. Nothing says "get out of my way, bitches" like a few swift blows from a cane.
Seriously? Like, not to be a bitch (kidding. I am always trying to be a bitch) but is EVERYONE allowed to be a model now? Or did one of their models die last minute and they saw this guy on a bench outside feeding pigeons and were like "Hey old man, can you do us a favor?"
P.S. OMG I just invented the greatest (questionable claim) new words! GUYLE/GUYLISH. Like as in GUY + STYLE (GET IT?). Yes? No? What? You're wincing in pain as I destroy the English language?
I think we're all hoping our Valentine's Days will look like this. Nothing says romance like a dozen red roses...and an enormous animal carcass on your head.
What if Andy Warhol had spent less time silk screening Campell's soup cans and more time silk screening sweatshirts with dog faces...that would have been way better, right? No? Are you sure?
Jean Paul Gaultier
Because what's sexier than flashing some man leg? Answer: Everything.
I would legitimately LOVE to see someone wear this. It looks like what Willy Wonka would wear to go hunting and it is awesome. What really makes it, in my opinion, is the cane. I think it's time to bring back canes as a fashion accessory - they've been monopolized by the old and the blind for TOO LONG! What's great about canes is how many uses they have - you can lean on them for support, twirl them, beat people with them, etc. Like imagine how much easier it would be to maneuver through a crowd when you have a cane. Nothing says "get out of my way, bitches" like a few swift blows from a cane.
P.S. OMG I just invented the greatest (questionable claim) new words! GUYLE/GUYLISH. Like as in GUY + STYLE (GET IT?). Yes? No? What? You're wincing in pain as I destroy the English language?
Friday, December 31, 2010
Let's Make 2011 the Year We Banish Ugliness
It's New Year's Day, you've just hauled yourself out of bed with a splitting headache after a night of wild debauchery (or in my world, drinking sparkling cider in a champagne glass with your teddybear and cat) and you're starting to make your New Year's ressies. Well this year, instead of promising to become a better person/eat more healthily/stop being a drunk/learn to read, why not make a resolution that actually counts and make this the year that you improve the way you dress and get your shit together, style wise? You can brighten the lives of everyone around you by pledging to abide by some essential man-style laws!
Take official Ugliness Is A Crime New Year's Resolution Pledge!
In the coming year I firmly resolve
1. Not to wear mandals (especially with SOCKS)
2. Not to grow any kind of gross facial hair
3. Not to wear tank tops/wife beaters/ etc. and not to display any man cleavage.
4. Not to wear hats that make me look like a tool.
5. Not to wear whatever I find on the floor in the morning.
6. To do my best not to hurt people's eyes.
And don't think that if you're a girl there's nothing you can do to help. You can pledge not to date guys with stupid beards or to withhold sexual favors if your boyfriend tries to wear mandals. Or just call random people out when they're wearing stupid shit.
Together, we can all make 2011 a great year for man style.
Take official Ugliness Is A Crime New Year's Resolution Pledge!
In the coming year I firmly resolve
1. Not to wear mandals (especially with SOCKS)
2. Not to grow any kind of gross facial hair
3. Not to wear tank tops/wife beaters/ etc. and not to display any man cleavage.
4. Not to wear hats that make me look like a tool.
5. Not to wear whatever I find on the floor in the morning.
6. To do my best not to hurt people's eyes.
And don't think that if you're a girl there's nothing you can do to help. You can pledge not to date guys with stupid beards or to withhold sexual favors if your boyfriend tries to wear mandals. Or just call random people out when they're wearing stupid shit.
Together, we can all make 2011 a great year for man style.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Man Fashion Crime of the Month: Seriously, W magazine?
Really? You really thought this was in any way a good idea?
Good God, this is as ugly as homemade sin. This gentleman is apparently named Garrett Hedlund (his name sounds like a viking who models for Abercrombie in between pillagings) and as the headline informs me, he's "the new heartthrob (and he can act)" (But can he think? Because he kind of looks lobotomized.). I'm honestly trying to figure out the thought process here. "Okay, guys, we need to come up with an outfit that says "heartthrob." OMG I got it! Animal print lady pants!" I mean, come on, those are the pants an ageing prostitute would wear with red patent leather heels and too much lipliner when she wants to look like a "serious businesswoman" for a court appearance or something. And then to top it all off they paired it with a grubby v-neck that looks like it came from a Hanes 3-pack. Also, if you have to do the animal print thing, at least have him make a snarly face and do hand claws. Missed opportunity!
Good God, this is as ugly as homemade sin. This gentleman is apparently named Garrett Hedlund (his name sounds like a viking who models for Abercrombie in between pillagings) and as the headline informs me, he's "the new heartthrob (and he can act)" (But can he think? Because he kind of looks lobotomized.). I'm honestly trying to figure out the thought process here. "Okay, guys, we need to come up with an outfit that says "heartthrob." OMG I got it! Animal print lady pants!" I mean, come on, those are the pants an ageing prostitute would wear with red patent leather heels and too much lipliner when she wants to look like a "serious businesswoman" for a court appearance or something. And then to top it all off they paired it with a grubby v-neck that looks like it came from a Hanes 3-pack. Also, if you have to do the animal print thing, at least have him make a snarly face and do hand claws. Missed opportunity!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Please Tell Me You're Joking: Spring 2011 Runway Rundown, Part Deux
Don't worry, we'll get back to making fun of man clothes soon (as if you actually care. Well, my cat, noted connoisseur of man-style Mr. Pickles, was starting to fret.). But meanwhile, here's another batch of straight-up crazy from Paris fashion week.
Speaking of fashion shows and such, did I ever tell you guys I used to really wish I were a model? (DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK! that "bitch, please, have you met a mirror?" look.) Eating disorders, shmeating disorders, it looked like the best thing ever: wearing pretty clothes and going to parties, and no more school and having to do complicated math or whatever. Sadly I'm like 5'5" and inhale ice cream 24/7, so there was little chance of that dream coming true (Other dreams that are still intact: marrying a duke, buying Versailles, not dying ever. Come on, IT COULD TOTALLY HAPPEN...I mean, as long as you believe in yourself...)
Speaking of fashion shows and such, did I ever tell you guys I used to really wish I were a model? (DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK! that "bitch, please, have you met a mirror?" look.) Eating disorders, shmeating disorders, it looked like the best thing ever: wearing pretty clothes and going to parties, and no more school and having to do complicated math or whatever. Sadly I'm like 5'5" and inhale ice cream 24/7, so there was little chance of that dream coming true (Other dreams that are still intact: marrying a duke, buying Versailles, not dying ever. Come on, IT COULD TOTALLY HAPPEN...I mean, as long as you believe in yourself...)
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Designers Are Why Drug Lords Are So Rich: Paris Spring 2011 Runway Rundown, Part Un
I'm sure that the two people who read this (that is, me and my cat) are like, "Whaaaaaat? This is supposed to be a blog about man style! Why are you talking about lady clothes? I want an analysis of cravats, not this rubbish, you lying bitch!" Well to be honest, much as I love all things man-style, it is kind of a limited subject, and sometimes I run out of things to say. So I thought I'd see what was up in the world of lady fashion. Would you guys be down with that? Oh wait, I don't actually care. It's happening, bitches!
And don't worry that just because I'm writing a little about lady clothes I'm going to start posting "artistic" pictures of myself posing in different outfits. Please. Have a little faith in me. I would never try to pull shit like that.
ANYWAY, Paris Fashion Week just wrapped up, so let's take a look at the madness that went down the runway:
And don't worry that just because I'm writing a little about lady clothes I'm going to start posting "artistic" pictures of myself posing in different outfits. Please. Have a little faith in me. I would never try to pull shit like that.
ANYWAY, Paris Fashion Week just wrapped up, so let's take a look at the madness that went down the runway:
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