Tuesday, July 20, 2010

High Fashion Hijinks: Runway Rundown Spring 2011, Part Deux

More delightful looks from the various shit-shows!

Romain Kremer:

That old ho Burt better watch the fuck out, because there's a new bee-keeping bitch in town, and he's showing everyone how it's done.  Keeping bees doesn't mean wearing some old hat your grandpa wears fishing and a filthy beard crusted with honey, you need to seduce the bees with a sensuous shimmering folds of your veil and a sexy diva hat.

Monday, July 19, 2010

High Fashion Hijinks: Runway Rundown Spring 2011, Part Un

Fashion week for spring 2011 menswear collections wrapped up recently so let's take a look at what went down the runways in Paris and Milan! This stuff is important, you guys! You kids today just don't care enough about current events and the issues that affect our world, like the changing width of men's suit lapels.

Quick sidenote: doesn't this seem ridiculously early to be thinking about spring of 2011? Honestly, guys, I hadn't finished processing that spring 2010 had even happened.  Like, one minute it was freezing cold winter and you're doing all this cough syrup and then one day you wake up surrounded by old Chinese take-out containers and empty bottles of rum and it's freaking April...

Anyway, first up, Jean-Paul Gaultier:

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Reflections on MANke-up

So today I had some deep thoughts on gender inequality.  That's right. We are all about serious issues affecting society over here! Anyway, I was slathering my face with its daily make-up mask (so as not to horrify the outside world), when I realized how unfair it is that guys don't have the same opportunities to improve their appearances that girls do.

Now I have to admit I'm slightly biased. I'm a full-on cosmetics whore.  I put more powder on my face than raging cokeheads shove up their noses.  Make-up artist is my fall-back career (if countess, spy, and jewel thief don't work out).   Seriously, if you tried to take this bitch away from her make-up, I'd probably sharpen the end of my eyeliner pencil and straight up shank you. 

But seriously, take away their make-up, their hairstyle, etc., and eighty percent of the girls you think are pretty would look like fugly skanks you'd only want to get it on with during Earth Hour. On the other hand, guys don't have anything to hide behind.  Take a girl and a guy who are both sixes.  Bitch can get a flattering haircut that frames her face properly, clap on the slap 'till it's two inches thick, and claw her way up to an eight.  But the guy has to stay where he is, stuck with the face he's born with.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

3rd ComMANdment: Thou shalt not go shorter than short sleeves

It distresses me that this blog is less a celebration of beautiful clothes and adventurous style, and more me yelling at people for doing stupid shit.  I don't want it to have to be this way.  It's not like i enjoy, um,  sipping the haterade or whatever (that's a lie anyway. The only thing I sip is gin!  Because I have a drinking problem!).  At the same time though, I feel like I have to intervene, because 1) I am kind, and I want to save people from themselves, and 2) I like to be able to walk around without having my eyes raped.

So.  Men in tank-tops.  Mank-tops.  I've been noticing a sickening epidemic of them lately, and I have to ask: What the fuck do you think you're doing?

 As both a citizen of this country, and a human being with eyes, I am offended.