Monday, August 16, 2010

A List of Some Random Shit I Hate

 This is only a list of things I hate within the man-style category.  If it were a list of things I hate in general, it would be so long it would probably break the internet or something.  Because I am some sort of bitter curmudgeon old man with no heart who beats down happiness with a cane of misery.

                                           This is a picture of me.

ANYWAY...the things on this list are serious infractions, but I didn't think they quite merited their own individual posts.  If the man-skirt is the equivalent of homicide, these are maybe like robbery or assault.

1. Man Jewelry.  What's even the point here? Jewelry isn't even adding anything to your appearance.  It's not like some girl is going to be like "I wasn't into you before, but now that you're wearing a necklace, let me take my clothes off!" Earrings, bracelets, rings, necklaces - they all need to go.  You are a man.  You should not be accessorizing your person with items that are jangly, sparkly or shiny.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Wardrobe Basics: Jeans

With the exception of a few forays into the land of shorts in the summer months, if you're a guy, you wear pants all the time (At least I hope so.  We already went over the whole man-skirt fiasco.  And you really shouldn't be experimenting with some Lady Gaga-style pantsless shit.).  Anyway, this basically means that you wear jeans all the time, because really, what other options are there? Khakis? Khakis suck.  Fun fact: did you know that "sex" and "khakis" are antonyms? Corduroy is pretty lame and gives off a dusty 1970s vibe (only bears can pull it off).  Basically, my point is that jeans are the bread and butter of the male wardrobe.  Unfortunately,  a lot of you are using moldy Wonderbread and your butter is actually cheap, nasty margarine.   Luckily, with my help we can turn that into a freshly-baked baguette and some organic creamy butter (here's to taking metaphors TOO FAR)! But seriously today I thought I would actually try to do some good and give some useful advice, rather than just heaping scorn on another target of hate.